My life as a former college student

My life is basically in limbo right now.  I'm not a college student, I'm kind of employed, and its the summer and I'm just kind of chilling but I'm not technically on summer break.  So I'm kind of in this bizarre place of not really knowing where I am.  As one of my childhood friends put it, "I basically feel like I'm retired."  A very odd feeling.  Nor have I completed a third of what I set out to do.  Oh procrastination, how you've come back to haunt me.

Right now I am attempting to turn my childhood bedroom into something more acceptable for a 22 year old adult.  The merging of my college room and my childhood bedroom is not going as smoothly as I had tricked myself into believing  hoped.  Right now I'm working on the disaster that is my bookshelves.  I realized just how obsessed I am with my books and more interestingly, my notebooks from school, that I cannot rationalize getting rid of any of them.  Ok thats a lie.  There are some books that I absolutely have no problem getting rid of (Sabato, cough).  I managed to clean out one room of my crap and now its all sitting on my floor.

Oh bookshelves why does your clutter and ability to stump me seem to define my life at the moment.

And It Follows Me

And I thought that this only happened to me in Charlottesville.  Well folks, I'm sitting in Starbucks in Northern Virginia and once again people, weird, odd people, feel the need to sit on top of me.  Although the Starbucks is relatively full, there are multiple large tables empty...away from me.

Also, I believe whole-heartedly in the clean air act.  Really, I do.  I believe that it is a great cause that I believe many people do not fully appreciate.  So, to the extraordinarily smelly man sitting next to me.  Please, do us all a favor, and take a shower.  You are carrying an Italian briefcase.  You can afford to take a shower.  So please, enforce the clean air act and help America smell more beautiful.  But really, I came in here because I like the smell of coffee...not your BO.

Oh, and also to Mr Odorman, just in case you didn't notice, the man sitting across from you is not wearing a hearing aid...so currently he's not hard of hearing, but let me tell you something: after you've screamed in his face for about twenty minutes, he will be.  So here's a tip when you're trying to gain a new client: take a shower and stop screaming in the poor man's face.  You will truly enhance your life.  Best of luck to you Mr Odorman.

P.S. You should enact upon these new concepts immediately.  No, but really, you should want to make your life better as soon as possible...like now.  kthanx.

Hello From a New Location

Hello all!  So here's basically the breakdown of my life in the last couple of weeks: I graduated from the University of Virginia, went to Maine, came back, and now I'm chilling at home in Northern Virginia trying to get my life together.  Oh, and I basically deactivated facebook.  I'm thinking about only using it to show people that I've updated my blog but we'll see.

So for the last few weeks, I've been trying to figure out a possible location to people watch from and at first I really wasn't coming up with anything.  Today I arrived at my local Starbucks and boom, found the perfect location.  This place is absolutely jammed and I've been here for about an hour already.  Its filled with college-aged students, stay-at-home moms, computer geek dads, random out of work people, and an assortment of the local flavor.  Can't wait for the high schoolers to walk in after 2:30.  Starbucks is seriously the new fourth floor of Clemons...or perhaps the fourth floor of Clemons copied Starbucks...?  No idea.  Anyways, I found my new location so be ready NoVA.  You're about to be watched. :)

Who's an Orc?

Yes I am updating twice in one day.  No, that is not why this post is titled "Pure Evil."  I will get to that in a moment.  First, I would like to do my customary rant about people and this in the library.  First to the girl in the cute sweater that was at one point sitting across from me.  Now, as many of you know, I do not normally appreciate people sitting across from me and normally all I do is rant and complain about just how annoying and ridiculous they are.  This is usually the case, but this girl was actually quite pleasant to sit across from.  She kept her space, she had on a cute outfit, and she smelled nice.  A+ in my book.  Then she moved seats.  To the back of the room.  Say whaaat???  Did I do something this time? That thought lasted one second.  She sat in the back for a bit and then proceeded to move to the front of the room?  I would say its because she needed an outlet, but she's reading a book...and the chairs are all exactly the same.  Truly a puzzling case.  Second, Greenberrys, I do not appreciate the fact that you increased your coffee prices.  Don't think I didn't notice.  You are manipulating the fact that we, the poor college students of whom your continued existence is based upon, need to spend obnoxious amounts of time in the library in order to pass our strenuous and awful exams.  I feel that I have been wronged in a serious manner.  This is not ok and I have thus decided to boycott you for the next two days that I am here in Charlottesville.  It will make a huge difference.  You wait and see.

Now, the reason that I feel the need to entitle this blog post "Pure Evil" is because I have just been privy to the most heinous form of treachery.  My dear friend who read my previous blog post has decided that it would be a terrific idea to watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies.  I applaud her for her excellent selection in movies, but then she proceeded to tell me this information.  While I'm stuck in the library.  Staring at my computer screen.  Not writing my final undergraduate paper (I'm in denial on that btw).  True.treachery.Pure.Evil.  There is nothing I want more in the world than to watch LOTR and read The Hobbit.  Now I get to imagine her watching the movies.  Enjoying it.  Laughing.  Crying.  The full range of emotions.  Truly, this is akin to Bilbo trying to trick Smaug into letting him into his lair to steal his treasure; or Bilbo tricking Gollum so that he could have the One Ring.  Wow, Bilbo, you really became quite the liar during that book.  Anyways, happiness was stolen from those poor, misunderstood characters.  (ok Smaug was not poor, get over it)  I would throw an orc at her if she were nearby.  Maybe a goblin.  Goblins are lighter.  Yeah definitely a goblin.  ANYWAYS, something ugly and evil would be thrown and it would be epic.  Picture that.  Me with goblin hurling it across the room where it hits its target Legolas style.  A truly fantastic image.  Keep that with you always.

Damn you paper.  I shall vanquish you.  You shall not defeat me.  I am the master of my fate.  I am the captain of my soul.

Btw this is much more enjoyable than actually writing my paper.  If my paper goes according to plan (which means that I shall probably not start writing it until later today), then I shall be able to write a tremendous paper on how Spanish identity reminds me of Gollum and other Lord of the Rings type things.  Or perhaps Star Wars or Harry Potter.  Have no fear, it will not be about Spain.

P.S.
An orc is an elf turned evil.  Take that as you will.

Oops

Oops, I haven't updated in forever.  I apologize.  Have no fear, I am currently unemployed and will therefore probably have nothing better to do with my time after college than update my blog.  Beware if you live in Fairfax, if I catch you doing anything odd, I shall probably write about you.  :)

Now, as the title of my blog indicates, I am truly a contradiction (but really, who isn't?).  I judge people on my blog for not following social etiquette and yet I rarely follow my own advice.

Here is an example of my contradictory self.  While "writing" a paper on Spanish identity as "schizophrenic," (a term I personally dislike to the fullest), I decided that I should focus my attention on emphasizing a part of my own personal identity that has gone by the wayside since I've been in college.  Now, if you knew me in high school, then this will not surprise you at all.  Yes, I did actually cry in my room when I watched this because I was so happy and so excited.  If you don't feel that way, you are an orc.  Really.

The Hobbit.  My favorite book of all time.  : )

VAMPIRE SIGHTING!

After many miserable days in which it seemed like we lived in Hoth System, we have finally returned to beautiful, beautiful weather!!!! With that being said, for all of you losers sitting inside, GET YOUR BUTTS OUTDOORS! I don't know if you've noticed, but the weather around here is kinda shifty soooo, get outside and get some fresh air.  It'll definitely do you some good.  And to all of you people with your leather backpacks and bags, have no fear, I will be joining you shortly, but until that time I am thoroughly jealous of your coolness.  You will be inferior once I bring back out my Florentine leather messenger bag.  Can't beat Florentine leather suckerssssss.  I must question the sanity of some of people sitting outside of Clemons though.  I am in a turquoise romper (thats right, laugh.  it looks hott on me, you're just jealous) and I had to take off my sweater because I was sweating.  Here's my crazy, but extraordinarily logical explanation (at least for me) as to why you are sitting like that.  You are obviously a vampire.  Look dude, embrace who are you.  Take that scarf off and let your body sparkleeeee! It's really ok.  Honestly, I don't even really think people will notice.  Vampires are kinda last year.  So seriously, just embrace your vampireness...although on second thought I would appreciate it if you refrained from embracing all aspects of your vampireness...you know like the part about sucking humans blood.  Embrace your body, just not all of your cravings.  Self-restraint is a good thing.  Thanks.

P.S. Who else thinks Water for Elephants looks FANTASTIC!?!  Cant wait!

Movie post or inspirational quote post next?  You know that it won't necessarily be what you think either way.  Opinions/thoughts/suggestions/love and admiration?  All of the above is appreciated.

GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE FUN! Be a five year old and run around on the lawn.  Play tag.  Play ladder ball and drink a beer (ok maybe five years don't do that.  lame asses.) Wear a sundress.  LET YOUR LEGS BE FREE! Aka, go and have fun and enjoy this weather while it lasts before it turns back into the Hoth System

I blame this on you Alfred the Great

As usual I am updating my blog because I have deemed it a worthy enterprise than doing required reading for a class. In my defense, I have actually read this book twice before so I mean, technically, I've done the reading. Anyways, I am once again in the library. I know. Bet you werent expecting that! Ha. Anyways, I began to realize a series of emotions that I really shouldn't have in reference to a particular object. I go from longing, to excitement, to anxiety, to fear, and then utter joy, a sense of euphoria if you please, in a short range of time. Seriously, I am may explode from the flood of emotions that come from this experience. Oh and anger is sometimes the dominant emotion at the end. It truly is a heaven or hell situation. Anyways, have you figured it out yet? The one object that demands more of my emotions than most alcohol induced night?














It's the god damn vending machine!

But really, whoever created the vending machine has a sick sense of humor. You were the kid that got the crap beaten out of you on the playground weren't you? You made it so the big dudes couldn't get the small piece of candy out of the machine. You made it so that they would have to attack the inanimate object, yell, and scream, and cry and pound just to get a small, sweet, and savory treat out of it. Well, let me tell you. The joke is over. I did not beat you up on the playground and normally I would have defended you but now? Ohhh now, you have officially been entered into my eternal damnation list. You and your machine. And I will crusade against your unjust actions. This is war. A war for justice, peace, and eternal happiness free from the repression of an inanimate object who's inadequacy attempt to destroy my happiness. Well I will stand for it no longer. This is war vending machine. And I will win. Be afraid. Be very afraid vending machine.


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