Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Traffic Psychology

Ok but theres so much more to traffic than that.  If you leave at a certain time every day then you tend to see the same people over and over again.  You tend to learn that the mini-van driver isn't a soccer mom, but a crazy dad thats obviously late for work and is chugging coffee because of the way that he's swerving all around the lane.  Or the red mini-van that has about 6-7 local high school tags for different sports and 3 college stickers showing off their wonderful ability to reproduce.  Yeah, you know the one that always seems to be even with you in the right lane no matter how fast you go?  Yeah, that one. Or the little grey old as shit Honda with the Peace Frogs bumper sticker and the Clinton stickers that always feels the need to speed their car to about 80 to get in front of you and then slam on their brakes and go 55.  Yeah, theres some real peace and love there.  Or the Prius.  The gas-saving, eco-friendly Prius.  I think its wonderful that Prius drivers want to save the environment.  Thats sweet.  But lets be honest, thats not why half of the people that drive Prius' drive them.  They drive them because they save you a shit-ton on gas and you can drive in the HOV lanes.  Yeah, don't give me your environmental nonsense.  Have you noticed that ever Prius driver feels the need to only go to 50 mph in the left lane?  Is that friendly to your fellow human beings?  Is it?  I think not.  You want to save the environment but in reality, you're harming your fellow human beings sanity.  No, but for real.  If you're driving a Prius, please, if you insist on saving your gas and therefore not going above 50 mph, do us all favor and drive in the right lane.  If you just did that, people would probably dislike Prius drivers less.  But seriously, you really tend to know the drivers around you.  You realize quickly that if you get behind the Beck's truck over by Fair Oaks, you're probably gonna be in trouble because after many days of observation and analytical trends, it can be easily determined that the driver is uncomfortable driving next to the barrier.  Or the Lexus SUV with the Oakton High School stickers that always seems to go at a nice pace.  Get behind the Cougar car and you'll have a pleasant journey to school.  Get behind the burgundy Camry from the early 90s and you can be assured of a salute and a constant jockeying for first place.  There will be no peace behind the 90s Camry or any of their kind.  It is wise to be aware of the cars on the road with you so that you can work on having the most enjoyable trip to work as possible.

I would also like to discuss the car that cries BRAKE.  You know, kind of like the boy that cries wolf.  Its the person that can't get their foot off of the brake pedal.  The person who obviously doesn't realize that by taking your foot off of the gas pedal you also have the ability to slow down.  The person who, for absolutely no apparent reason, feels the need to put their brakes on because they might be going 61 mph instead of 60.  Or decides to go a bit rebellious, drive up to 70 mph, feel some sort of Catholic guilt, and immediately brake to 55 mph.  Such a wonderful human being.  Giving those of us behind them such high hopes and then just as quickly bashing them into the ground.  True disappointment.  It hurts me to my core.  But I think the person that cries wolf the most is the person that is paying attention more to what is happening in the lane next to them than in their own lane.  You know, the person in the left lane that secretly wants to be in the right lane, even kind of swerves over to the right lane, almost this a car in the right lane because they want to be in that lane, and most importantly, always does what the right lane is doing.  For example.  When coming upon a green light, for some reason many in the right lane tend to brake for no apparent.  The right-lane wannabe will then brake as well.  Even if there is no one in front of them and no logical reason to brake.  Its like they were peer-pressured into being in the left lane to begin with.  Oh no, I gotta be in the left lane because thats where all the cool fast cars are.  Right lane is for old people and slow pokes.  Nooooo I would never be seen in the right lane.  Well buddy, let me give you a piece of advice.  Go with what your heart tells you.  You were meant to be in the right lane.  Please, don't let us hold you back from achieving your greatest driving potential.  Really.  We of the left lane only want the best for you.  There will be no taunting or ridicule.  Only happiness and support.

On that note, HAPPY DRIVING! :)