Tuesday, November 30, 2010

December Is Upon Us

So for the majority of the American population, the time after Thanksgiving is a time of joy and happiness as the holiday season rolls in.  For the American college student, the weeks after Thanksgiving are ones of library groaning and excessive coffee drinking as Finals Period arrives.  I have officially witnessed the first cases of finals madness or librariphobia.  This is when people who normally do not work in the library suddenly join the ranks of regular library patrons and therefore have no idea how to behave themselves.  There is also another form of this, which includes the people who are on the verge of a nervous-breakdown, have about 3-4 venti coffee cups near them and are flipping through books so fast that the viewer actually becomes jittery and anxious just by watching.  The first type of person was heard by myself and all the other patrons of the East Wing in Alderman.  Think back in your childhood.  Remember when you used to hide under the covers and you thought it was a brilliant spot because you used the logic: If I can't see you, you can't see me?  Well, it didn't work then and honestly, speaking is just as bad.  Just because you're right outside the quiet room with no door, does not mean that we can't hear you inside the quiet room.  Actually, because you're talking next to a quiet room, we can hear you all the better.  Oh, and if you insist of having your moronic conversation about sitting in the library with other guys, please have it with people that you did not just meet coming out of the boys bathroom.  Seriously, not only rude but actually disgusting.  Just FYI, not only was I judging you, but I made about 10 judging friends because we were all laughing at you and your idiocy.  I seriously hope that you're book smart because your common sense is lacking.  The second type of person is once again sitting at my table.  Surprise surprise.  This man has about 4 venti coffee cups next to him and I'm pretty positive that he hasn't shaved in about 3 days.  He left the table for about 30 minutes and returned with approximately 15 books.  Instead of placing them on the table, he, in his coffee induced spasms, threw the books on the table.  In the 5 minutes that I've been writing this, he's flipped through about half of the books at a speed which makes me think that there's gotta be cartoons on the edges of the pages.  There is no other way he is gaining any sort of information from those books.  Perhaps the cartoon is a synopsis of the book.  If so, I would gladly flip through books that fast, yet somehow I'm calling shenanigans.  Also, if you are one of the excessively anxious and fidgety library types, do yourself a favor and bring yourself a full pencil.  Thats right ladies and gents, he is actually working with two of those pencils that you get from Mini-Golf.  Number 1, there's basically no lead on those pencils so WTF.  Two, how are you writing anything with a pencil that has no lead.  3, there are no pencil sharpeners in Alderman.  4, I can see the teeth marks on the pencil.  Its wood, not candy.  Let it go unless you're having a seizure.  And now he has pushed three of his books on the floor in his crazy caffeinated state.  You my friend should meet up with loud talking girl and go get something to eat on the Corner.  No really you should go.  I think it would definitely do you some good because sometimes the best thing to do is to get out.  That is my recommendation to you.  Good luck pal.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Library, give me back my soul!

So due to my amazingly awesome schedule, I will be permanently moving into the library.  No big deal, just a simple change of address with some new and very odd neighbors.  I'd like to describe to you some of my new neighbors in the Map Room.  One of my neighbors is a cute brunette female presently sitting across from me, at my previously empty table, with 4 of her sorority girl friends.  Now don't get me wrong, I obviously cannot say anything about traveling in a large pack of sorority girls, but I feel the need to comment on this situation.  Note that once again there was a completely empty table next to me.  In a real twist of the story, the brunette motioned to the empty table and asked her friends why they didn't sit there.  Her 3 friends looked at her and then looked at me.  I gave them what I thought was my most unfriendly face.  Apparently it looked quite pleasant to them, or perhaps I just wasn't intimidating enough, but either way they sat down at my table.  One girl proceeded to move my bag which I had placed next to me so that people would not sit next to me.  RUDE!  Anyways, I knew immediately that I did not like my new neighbors but I thought I'd give them a chance.  Then the cute brunette sat across from me and opened up her laptop ready to work.  She scooted her chair as close to the table as possible and started to squint and then put her face so close to the screen that her nose literally hit the screen and pushed it backwards.  She rubbed her nose and then continued to squint.  After about five minutes she hit her forehead on the screen and then a few minutes later, her nose again.  Her friends gave her that sorority judging look that some girls are so good at.  Yeah, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about but it's a real thing.  Then the girl picked up a book and her nose was actually in the crease.  Her friends just stared at her and didn't say a word.  Well hey honey, let me tell ya, YOU NEED GLASSES!  I know, shocker, but its ok future four-eyes, they make really cute glasses now that you can probably get personalized with your Greek letters.  Have no fear, you can still be fashionable.  Ok so my other neighbor is a fascinating creature.  She hasn't stopped fidgeting.  As she is not at my table, I don't really care, but then she got up to go to the bathroom.  She's wearing white, see-through sweatpants and has leopard print granny panties on.  I am so thankful they're granny panties.  Truly.  Thank you red head for wearing underpants that cover your ass because you somehow managed to make an awkward situation less awkward.  Now if you could share your underwear choices with the girl sitting to your left that'd be great.  Actually, if you could just let her know that underwear is an acceptable thing when wearing yoga pants that are a size too small that'd be much appreciated.  Thanks leopard print undies.  You are officially my new hero.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Not an overreaction part 2

Here is an even better photo of what I'm talking about

As you can see, there is not a soul on that side of the room.  I understand if you're one of those people that can't stand to be alone, but seriously, the library is not the right place for you because to be honest, the majority of us come to the library to get away from people like you.  Some of us come to the library to hide, so when people you don't know decide that they want to become you're new best friend at the library, its just not ok.  Not only do I not wish to be friendly to someone who sits at my table when there are 3 perfectly empty tables to my left, but I am honestly not that friendly of a person at the library.  Even if you were in a class entitled, RAND 1010 How To Make Random Ass Friends In The Library, I would not make friends with you.  Actually I would e-mail your teacher and tell them that they should probably flunk you because all I want to do is slap you silly.  Why?  Because you're supposed to be lonely in certain rooms in the library!  Like this one.  So, please, remove yourself from my table before you become the topic of my colonialism paper, in which you have unnecessarily taken over parts of the room and table which did not belong to you.  I will not let you have table/room dominance over me!!!

P.S. its really ok to comment on these posts.  i appreciate it. :)

This is not an overreaction

Alright I'm sure quite a few of you that read my blog believe that I am overreacting when I say that people have an obsession with sitting on top of me in the library.  Well now I have documentary proof.  There are three people at my table, one person directly in front of me, one person at the table behind me, one person at another table, and no one at two other tables.  Let is also be noted that I was here first.  Also, there are more outlets at the empty tables then there are at my table...

The person who has insisted on sitting directly across from me has also shoved all of his books onto my half of the table and he keeps on blinking far too hard than necessary.  I mean I know that I smell nice, but this is completely unnecessary.  I simple, you smell nice, is good enough for me and then you walk away!  Come on people!  Have you all been in similar situations?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Library Etiquette in short

Alright people, there has been a serious lack of library etiquette in the past few days.  So I'd like to share with you a few of my personal pet peeves that I'm sure are shared by quite a few people.  First, please don't sit on top of others in the library when there are other perfectly good seats available that are comfortable distances away from others.  Second, if you are gonna cough and you're on the other side of the petition, please do us all a favor and stay behind the petition.  Stop coming around the petition to cough because everytime you do this, you projectile your germs towards others who would rather not get sick.  It's really quite disgusting.  Also, if you have a cold, please get yourself some tissues because listening to you snivel for two hours is not only disgusting, but fiercely annoying.  If I end up giving you a tissue, its not because I sympathize your condition, this is me being passive aggressive and letting you know that you need to invest in tissues ASAP before I shove some tissues up your nose.  In conclusion, if you are sick, please remove yourself from any vicinity in which hundreds of people are located.  Sincerely, the girl who keeps on dodging the germ projectiles.

P.S. I'm thinking of developing a germ projectile shield in order to survive the next few weeks.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Disclaimer: Crude Pizza Munching

Dear Sir in the cubicle next to me,

I'm sorry to inform you but I believe that you are perhaps in dire need of a functioning mirror. I only say this because it is my belief that you perhaps be wearing the same clothes that were wearing yesterday, the day before, the day before that...quite possibly for the week. Not only that, I would also like to inform you that your relatively little amount of hair could be put in an insane asylum. Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop moaning/grunting awkwardly. I am presuming that you are not reading the Kama Sutra or anything of that nature and if you are, I would appreciate it if you jacked off Ina more private place than the fourth floor of Clemons. My mistake. I can see now that you are moaning over the slices of pizza that you are shoving into your mouth. Normally I would say to each his own, but for the courtesy of those around you, it would be great if you stopped treating the slice of pizza like it's the girl you want to eat. I apologize for the crudeness of this post.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

An Additional Chapter to the Story

The tragedy of the girl's studying location continues...

The annoyance of the girl in question has forced to continue her rant in the first person.

I recently enjoyed a few moments peace when the two left.  Unfortunately for me, they arrived back all too soon and this time with a new form of annoyance.  The Giant has quite suddenly come down with a cold.  I should and would feel sorry for him, except for the fact that he is directing his coughing exertions towards the back of my head.  Don't get me wrong, if you need to cough, then by all means go for it.  I merely ask that you do everyone around you the common courtesy of covering your mouth with your hand or elbow.  Also, it would probably be to your benefit if instead of chugging that large Starbucks DoubleShot that you just bought (which I am also wearily eyeing and do not appreciate), you go and buy yourself a water.  Not only will that help with your cough/cold, but it will also stop you from jumping around like you're on acid. The best advice that I could possibly give to you, Mr. Giant, would be for you to remove yourself from the library and to ooze your germs in a vicinity that does not contain about 100+ other people in it.  Also, I would recommend taking your friend.  Just a suggestion.

One more thing.  I notice that you have napkins sitting on your table.  If you do not use a napkin to blow your sniffling nose, I will be forced to attach the napkin to your nose permanently.  sincerely, the girl sitting in front of you who is on the verge of spraying you with lysol and very other kind of disinfectint she can find.

Sad Story of Caffeine

I would like to share with you all a very sad story.  It is the story of a boy and a girl in a library.  These two do not know one another and now they never will for reasons which will soon become evident.  The boy sat down near the girl in one of the school libraries and had had a few too many venti coffees today.  At least, this is what the girl figured as the boy didn't stop fidgeting/moving around for about 20 minutes.  Normally the girl would have merely laughed at the awkwardness of the fidgeting boy, but unfortunately for the girl, the boy was sitting directly behind her and every time he moved his 200+ pound body, the girl felt it.  Much to her dismay.  Eventually the boy stopped.  The girl assumed that his caffeine had finally worn off and that he had passed out.  She turned around and such was the case.  And the girl rejoiced.  But the girl became alarmed when she viewed another female walking up the giant.  The giant (aka the boy) and giant's gal (gg, also known as the annoying jerk who woke up the giant) switched seat and GG sat behind the girl who was only minding her own business.  GG had also been to the local caffeine shop and too had consumed an astonishing amount of caffeinated beverages for GG, like her giant friend, has been incapable of sitting still for a period longer than 5 minutes.  And this is the sad story for the girl who wanted merely to have a non-bumpy, jostling time in the library.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Warning from the surgeon general

Dear three emo, angsty looking gentlemen seated behind me,

I would like to bring it to your attention that it has been scientifically proven that smoking is not only bad for you, but also for those sitting around you. I understand that perhaps, somehow in the course of your 18 plus years of life in the united states you have somehow missed the numerous health and drug classes, required for the vast majority of the public during their years in primary and secondary education facilities, but I would like to inform you now that you are not only killing yourselves but mr as well. As a favor to me, I would appreciate it if you left my lifespan alone. If I would like to shorten it, I am quite capable of making very silly and stupid decisions all on my own. Therefore, I must ask you to desist in your current occupation of inhaling and exhaling tar and numerous other unpleasant things.

Someone who wishes to spend many days under a beautiful night sky like tonights

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Hoos feeling philanthropic and wants to donate a pair of hearing aids to the guy sitting more than 20 feet away from me.  I feel that he might be desperate need of them right now as I can hear his music with my own music playing.  That takes skill.  I would tell him that out loud but I'm not sure if he'd be able to hear me...


Ok really.  I'm getting hair burn on my cheek from the force of this chick's hair flick.  Honey, your hair just isn't that pretty so stop trying to flirt with it.  Only a caveman would like that kind of hair so go to the filming of a GEICO commercial and repeat what you've been practicing in the library.  Until that time, my cheek would appreciate it if you desist with this movement.

Much appreciated,
the girl with a now red cheek


I would like to amend my prediction on when things would once again become interesting.  The girl behind me has now hit me with her hair no less than 5 times.  I would mind less if her hair wasn't so obviously unconditioned and unbrushed.  Makes it kinda hard and rough on the face.  So instead of buying another expensive fish and mourning your dead fish properly, please go out and buy yourself a conditioner and a brush.  Perhaps a horse conditioner and brush because your hair is in dire need of some extra strength conditioning.  Also, you would probably understand your math homework better if you hadn't been talking about your dead fish for the last 20 minutes.  I understand, he was a pet, but let's be real.  Did he ever snuggle up against you when you were feeling down or sick, save your life, have any sort of contact or connection with you besides glaring at your through a fish bowl?  Probs not and if he has, then you may need to fix more than your hair.

your welcome,
your local library snob

New Place?

So I noticed that a lot of people seem to use blogspot.com as the final destination for their blogging so I thought that I'd try it out as well.  Definitely a lot different than tumblr so I'm not sure how I feel about it so far.

As many of you know who read my blog, my best material comes from watching people in environments in which they just aren't paying particular attention to the fact that people are watching their bizarre actions, such as at the library.  Normally, if you're at the library, you are too busy studying to attempt to hide your inner nerd and weirdo, which is understandable considering you're at the library.  Seriously, how much more do you need to do to prove your nerd worthiness than by actually being at the library.  Well, let me tell you, here at the University of Virginia, everything is a competition and therefore it is not merely enough to be a nerd at the library.  It is my thesis that people/students/staff actually compete with one another to see who is the nerdiest/most bizarre person.

Unfortunately, I have not updated recently due to the fact that the people at the libraries are actually acting in a normal, appropriate manner.  Very disappointing but I believe that this is due partially to the fact that it is the beginning of the semester and people haven't become totally overwhelmed with their work and thus lost all semblance of normalcy.  Although I hold faith that in the next week or so, the real interesting people will once again grace us with their presence.  So, don't change that channel just yet.