Tuesday, November 30, 2010

December Is Upon Us

So for the majority of the American population, the time after Thanksgiving is a time of joy and happiness as the holiday season rolls in.  For the American college student, the weeks after Thanksgiving are ones of library groaning and excessive coffee drinking as Finals Period arrives.  I have officially witnessed the first cases of finals madness or librariphobia.  This is when people who normally do not work in the library suddenly join the ranks of regular library patrons and therefore have no idea how to behave themselves.  There is also another form of this, which includes the people who are on the verge of a nervous-breakdown, have about 3-4 venti coffee cups near them and are flipping through books so fast that the viewer actually becomes jittery and anxious just by watching.  The first type of person was heard by myself and all the other patrons of the East Wing in Alderman.  Think back in your childhood.  Remember when you used to hide under the covers and you thought it was a brilliant spot because you used the logic: If I can't see you, you can't see me?  Well, it didn't work then and honestly, speaking is just as bad.  Just because you're right outside the quiet room with no door, does not mean that we can't hear you inside the quiet room.  Actually, because you're talking next to a quiet room, we can hear you all the better.  Oh, and if you insist of having your moronic conversation about sitting in the library with other guys, please have it with people that you did not just meet coming out of the boys bathroom.  Seriously, not only rude but actually disgusting.  Just FYI, not only was I judging you, but I made about 10 judging friends because we were all laughing at you and your idiocy.  I seriously hope that you're book smart because your common sense is lacking.  The second type of person is once again sitting at my table.  Surprise surprise.  This man has about 4 venti coffee cups next to him and I'm pretty positive that he hasn't shaved in about 3 days.  He left the table for about 30 minutes and returned with approximately 15 books.  Instead of placing them on the table, he, in his coffee induced spasms, threw the books on the table.  In the 5 minutes that I've been writing this, he's flipped through about half of the books at a speed which makes me think that there's gotta be cartoons on the edges of the pages.  There is no other way he is gaining any sort of information from those books.  Perhaps the cartoon is a synopsis of the book.  If so, I would gladly flip through books that fast, yet somehow I'm calling shenanigans.  Also, if you are one of the excessively anxious and fidgety library types, do yourself a favor and bring yourself a full pencil.  Thats right ladies and gents, he is actually working with two of those pencils that you get from Mini-Golf.  Number 1, there's basically no lead on those pencils so WTF.  Two, how are you writing anything with a pencil that has no lead.  3, there are no pencil sharpeners in Alderman.  4, I can see the teeth marks on the pencil.  Its wood, not candy.  Let it go unless you're having a seizure.  And now he has pushed three of his books on the floor in his crazy caffeinated state.  You my friend should meet up with loud talking girl and go get something to eat on the Corner.  No really you should go.  I think it would definitely do you some good because sometimes the best thing to do is to get out.  That is my recommendation to you.  Good luck pal.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Library, give me back my soul!

So due to my amazingly awesome schedule, I will be permanently moving into the library.  No big deal, just a simple change of address with some new and very odd neighbors.  I'd like to describe to you some of my new neighbors in the Map Room.  One of my neighbors is a cute brunette female presently sitting across from me, at my previously empty table, with 4 of her sorority girl friends.  Now don't get me wrong, I obviously cannot say anything about traveling in a large pack of sorority girls, but I feel the need to comment on this situation.  Note that once again there was a completely empty table next to me.  In a real twist of the story, the brunette motioned to the empty table and asked her friends why they didn't sit there.  Her 3 friends looked at her and then looked at me.  I gave them what I thought was my most unfriendly face.  Apparently it looked quite pleasant to them, or perhaps I just wasn't intimidating enough, but either way they sat down at my table.  One girl proceeded to move my bag which I had placed next to me so that people would not sit next to me.  RUDE!  Anyways, I knew immediately that I did not like my new neighbors but I thought I'd give them a chance.  Then the cute brunette sat across from me and opened up her laptop ready to work.  She scooted her chair as close to the table as possible and started to squint and then put her face so close to the screen that her nose literally hit the screen and pushed it backwards.  She rubbed her nose and then continued to squint.  After about five minutes she hit her forehead on the screen and then a few minutes later, her nose again.  Her friends gave her that sorority judging look that some girls are so good at.  Yeah, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about but it's a real thing.  Then the girl picked up a book and her nose was actually in the crease.  Her friends just stared at her and didn't say a word.  Well hey honey, let me tell ya, YOU NEED GLASSES!  I know, shocker, but its ok future four-eyes, they make really cute glasses now that you can probably get personalized with your Greek letters.  Have no fear, you can still be fashionable.  Ok so my other neighbor is a fascinating creature.  She hasn't stopped fidgeting.  As she is not at my table, I don't really care, but then she got up to go to the bathroom.  She's wearing white, see-through sweatpants and has leopard print granny panties on.  I am so thankful they're granny panties.  Truly.  Thank you red head for wearing underpants that cover your ass because you somehow managed to make an awkward situation less awkward.  Now if you could share your underwear choices with the girl sitting to your left that'd be great.  Actually, if you could just let her know that underwear is an acceptable thing when wearing yoga pants that are a size too small that'd be much appreciated.  Thanks leopard print undies.  You are officially my new hero.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Not an overreaction part 2

Here is an even better photo of what I'm talking about

As you can see, there is not a soul on that side of the room.  I understand if you're one of those people that can't stand to be alone, but seriously, the library is not the right place for you because to be honest, the majority of us come to the library to get away from people like you.  Some of us come to the library to hide, so when people you don't know decide that they want to become you're new best friend at the library, its just not ok.  Not only do I not wish to be friendly to someone who sits at my table when there are 3 perfectly empty tables to my left, but I am honestly not that friendly of a person at the library.  Even if you were in a class entitled, RAND 1010 How To Make Random Ass Friends In The Library, I would not make friends with you.  Actually I would e-mail your teacher and tell them that they should probably flunk you because all I want to do is slap you silly.  Why?  Because you're supposed to be lonely in certain rooms in the library!  Like this one.  So, please, remove yourself from my table before you become the topic of my colonialism paper, in which you have unnecessarily taken over parts of the room and table which did not belong to you.  I will not let you have table/room dominance over me!!!

P.S. its really ok to comment on these posts.  i appreciate it. :)

This is not an overreaction

Alright I'm sure quite a few of you that read my blog believe that I am overreacting when I say that people have an obsession with sitting on top of me in the library.  Well now I have documentary proof.  There are three people at my table, one person directly in front of me, one person at the table behind me, one person at another table, and no one at two other tables.  Let is also be noted that I was here first.  Also, there are more outlets at the empty tables then there are at my table...

The person who has insisted on sitting directly across from me has also shoved all of his books onto my half of the table and he keeps on blinking far too hard than necessary.  I mean I know that I smell nice, but this is completely unnecessary.  I simple, you smell nice, is good enough for me and then you walk away!  Come on people!  Have you all been in similar situations?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Library Etiquette in short

Alright people, there has been a serious lack of library etiquette in the past few days.  So I'd like to share with you a few of my personal pet peeves that I'm sure are shared by quite a few people.  First, please don't sit on top of others in the library when there are other perfectly good seats available that are comfortable distances away from others.  Second, if you are gonna cough and you're on the other side of the petition, please do us all a favor and stay behind the petition.  Stop coming around the petition to cough because everytime you do this, you projectile your germs towards others who would rather not get sick.  It's really quite disgusting.  Also, if you have a cold, please get yourself some tissues because listening to you snivel for two hours is not only disgusting, but fiercely annoying.  If I end up giving you a tissue, its not because I sympathize your condition, this is me being passive aggressive and letting you know that you need to invest in tissues ASAP before I shove some tissues up your nose.  In conclusion, if you are sick, please remove yourself from any vicinity in which hundreds of people are located.  Sincerely, the girl who keeps on dodging the germ projectiles.

P.S. I'm thinking of developing a germ projectile shield in order to survive the next few weeks.