Thursday, March 8, 2012


So I did have a really good, funny post that I was gonna post but unfortunately this day as sucked all life out of me.  Not like the 5 Hour Energy yesterday, but rather that feeling that time has literally stopped. Its that feeling  you get when look out a wonderful, clean, huge window towards a cloudless blue sky and you just know that its got to be beautiful out.  You just know it.  Then you make the mistake of checking and it gives you that bright, comic looking sun that just screams at you to go outside.  Then you see the perfect temperature underneath the sun.  Then you look out the window again.  And the pouty face comes.  Bottom lip out.  Eyes looking longing into the distance and suddenly those windows come a cage.  A cruel, cruel cage from which you can’t escape.  I mean its right there.  And then its frigid where you’re sitting on top of everything else.  So instead of being able to show everyone your new spunky Spring top, your forced to hide it under a sweater if you were smart enough to bring one, or if you’re like me you have to hide it underneath your North Face so that, although you’re trying really to hide the fact that all you want to do is escape and frolic freely in the sunlight, it just gives it away.  Everyone knows and although you try telling everyone, “No, I’m not thinking about leaving.  Its just cold in here.”  Everyone knows.  Everyone knows.  And the cycle begins all over again.  This is what the Dementors Kiss feels like.  If you don’t know what that is…I don’t really have anything to say.  I think that just proves that either you have quite literally been living under a rock in the Trobriand Islands or you’re one of those people who tries to go against trends.  Well that wasn’t a trend.  It was merely another depiction of reality.  I just proved it.  I’m living it.  That’s right.  I am.  Get over it.  But for real though, today has been weird.  Not only has time been moving slower than usual (yes, it has. Just accept it.  Denial is a drug, duh.) but I swear people have been acting more unusual than normal.  I mean I just read an article by the Brookings Institute, a very reputable Think Tank, and the author dated the article for March 12, 2012.  And he published it today.  Yeah.  That’s right.  Don’t believe me?  Heres the link.  The dementors had sucked me so dry that I almost believed it.  Almost.  But you can’t fool this Gryffindor that easily (Yes I am a Gryffindor and yes I have been using a lot of parenthesis.  Sorry, I feel the need to have multiple internal dialogues at the same time.  Its part of the dementors sucking my soul today.)  That’s right.  I figured it out you tricksty trickster.  But you know what, he’s probably a Slytherin so I mean, that’s completely acceptable for them.  Totally something Crabbe or Goyle would do.  You know, like when Crabbe managed to change races from the Second film to the 7th Film.  Just like that.  So now you understand  how I feel.    Thanks for reading and I hope that you have a dementor-less type day!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I'm Not The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

So as I have said before, I’m in a class for basically the rest of the month, which at this point feels like the rest of my life because I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to get through it. Its not that I’m not learning because the information is actually fascinating (I know, big nerd right here), but we have these virtual days where we’re supposed to do work and seriously, I don’t understand who they think they’re dealing with or perhaps the people in my class are this slow but I am quite literally editing papers and briefings 2 and 3 times over. Unnecessarily.  Anyways, one of the big things in this class is “Collaboration.”  Aka, they wanted to teach the class about Social Media.  Great.  Maybe you couldn’t tell, but I kinda already know how to use it.  I mean its cool and all, but seriously, I don’t want to spend 2 days going over the very, very basics of the usages of Social Media. Nor do I want the instructors to leave so that I’m sitting in a classroom with some of my classmates who have never used social media.  When the instructors leave its like the floodgate opens.  Normally I just ignore all of my classmates technical questions and just zone out and think about all of the potential plot twists and fillers for Once Upon a Time, so you can imagine how angry I was when I was thinking about who that dude from Covert Affairs is (btw I think hes Grimm) and I was interrupted to answer some computer questions. Social Media questions I can answer.  Hardware questions I cannot.  For real people.  Just because I am under the age of 25 does not make an IT wiz.  I know that is shocking to all of you because for some reason people have this notion that everyone under 25 is some sort of naturally born hacker.  That understanding the finer parts of computers is part of our generation.  Well it kinda is.  But I’m not normal.  And I’m a Mac kid.  So no, I do not know how to fix your stupid Windows problems.  Nor do I know why your system actually smells like its burning.  But if I had to take a wild guess, I’d say that its because you have too many programs running at once, plus the fact that your foot is on the tower and its tipped sideways.  That could potentially do it.  But again, I am not an IT person.  Again, I know shocking.  But seriously, my age does not qualify me as an IT expert.  Its just not how it works.  But one thing I can tell you.  For goodness sake, when you’re responding to someone via IM, please, please, please do not @ tag them and think that they can magically know that you’re IMing thing.  Seriously, that’s not the way it works.  And it especially doesn’t work when you put a space between the @ symbol and the name. And what especially especially doesn’t help is when the instructors are doing that and then use it as an example as to how to properly communicate with people via IM.  Yeah.  Nor is it productive to give trick questions at the beginning of a class and then make a pun out of the question.  First, no one likes puns.  That’s why you either get the uncomfortable laugh that’s more like a “WTF?” in laugh form or you get crickets.  Unless you really like making people uncomfortable, just don’t do those jokes.  And for goodness sake, once no one has laughed at your joke, don’t take the silence as applause.  But for real.  Its not.  Its more like our utter horror that you just first, gave us a trick question and then acted like we were stupid, and then second, made a pun out of it.  Its just not funny.  And when you’re going to use the Mayhem guy as a joke for GPS, for goodness sake do it right.  Seriously, how do you screw that up?!?  RECALCULATING! RECALCULATING! RECALCULATING!  How do you not remember that when you’re using it as a joke?  Its one word.  Its not REPROGRAMMING!  That’s not funny.  Anyways, be prepared for more goodness tomorrow afternoon after my full day of being in a classroom learning environment.  Would you want me to be in your class? J   Also, to the red KIA that was in front of me this morning.  Your bumper sticker.  “Guns Save Lives.”  You’re right, they can sometimes.  But your driving…does not do that.  So please, USE YOUR BLINKER because maybe you didn’t realize this, but YOU TOO CAN SAVE LIVES!  Thanks and have a pleasant gun-free day.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

5 Hour Energy

Have you ever hit that point in the day where you just cannot go on.  You know that 3 PM feeling that 5 Hour Energy makes it money off of.  Even if you don’t use 5 Hour Energy (which btw I do not after I witnessed the horrifying spectacle that my friend became after drinking it while studying for finals), you’d be lying if you didn’t know what I was talking about.  You know, its that feeling you get that you absolutely cannot go on.  That the world has to come to an end.  That you can do no more.  That even the most exciting of situations would fade to nothingness in your current state.  The computer screen begins to become blurry as your mind wanders off.  You stare off into space and not in an intellectual kind of way but the kind of way that screams for immediate aid.  Well, I’m in that state but unfortunately I have come to realize that once I’ve hit that point, I’m either a vegetable and should be taken off of life support or if I absolutely must get something done, I can only do it with excessive amounts of noise.  Like right now.  I just made this noise that’s somewhere between an elephant noise and a high-pitched fart…but with my mouth.  Yes, that does sound disgusting and no its really not that bad.  If you’ve heard me do it, then you know what I’m talking about.  Anyways, get your minds out of the gutter and pay attention to what I’m writing about.  So I just forced myself to make that noise because I know that I want to write this but at the same time my eyes are extra wide, my lips are curled in a ridiculous grin and I can’t stop dancing to my music because I’m afraid that if I stop, I might never get back up.  Earlier, when this situation began to overtake my senses, I felt the need for entrance music.  That’s right.  I sang myself entrance music.  Then I felt the need to make different sounds for opening desk drawers, like attempting to recreate the Law and Order sound.  You know what I’m talking about and if you don’t, then you’re not American.  Sorry.  Anyways, I opened my email and immediately began singing the Imperial March from Star Wars.  It was definitely appropriate.  I also can’t stop spinning in my chair which has an unfortunate habit of making this clicking noise at every half turn and it probably doesn’t help that I simulate a gust of wind as I spin or when I want to go fast, I pretend that I’m speeding.  Oh yeah.  I’m at that point in the day.  Be thankful that you don’t sit by me.  But now I must bid you all adieu as I have decided that my time would be better spent using my new Rubber Band gun to shot at my neighbors area.  Specifically his stuffed dog.  Its going down.   Have a wonderful, noisy day and don’t let anyone get you down.  If being noisy is what makes you happy, then never regret the fact that your co-workers are probably plotting horrific ways to make your life miserable.  Just remember.  It was worth it for that moment of sanity and happiness. 

Friday, March 2, 2012

Can You Hear Me Now?

So I like said in a pervious post, I haven't had a whole lot of time to post, especially because I don't have access to to this blog at work. Well I'd like to share a few stories with you. Ok first story. I'm in a training class that's going to last about a month and it's kind of a bizarre class as I'm in the actual classroom for two days and I'm in a "virtual" classroom the other three. Really weird. Like wicked weird. Anyways, today I was in a virtual lecture and the instructor was asking whether we could all hear him. So someone happened to type at the exact same time, "has the class started?" So our brilliant instructor then relays over the microphone, if you cannot hear me, please respond now telling me that you are unable to hear me. I just sat staring at the screen. Ae you effing kidding Me? Please respond if you can't hear me? That's like in elementary school when the teacher jokingly asks you to raise your hand if your not there and some moron always thought it says funny to raise their hand. I personally felt that that meant that their bodies were there but their minds weren't so it was kind of like answering the question. You know, it was kind of their only outlet for them to say, why yes, I am an idiot. Tank you so much for letting me verify that fact with the class. Anyways, that's how I felt when I heard that comment. Fortunately someone else responded before I could. "just FYI, if he can't hear you, he can't respond. Just a suggestion but you might want to TYPE that comment. Kind of makes more sense." I don't know who the guy was, but he is my new best friend. A crusader trying his best to save the world from stupidity. A truly great challenge and one that I wish him the best in. I Caen only hope for more Technological greatness in the future. :) have a happy March everyone!