Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Where Are We?

Dear driver of Omaha,

Please note that a) you are not on the farm and b) we are not British.

a) You are not on the farm.  There are lines on the road and more importantly, other vehicles.  You know those things that make loud noises and cause air pollution and can also kill you if you get hit by them?  You know, cars.  Other cars.  Not just yours.  So please, do us all a favor, car makers created a wonderful thing called a back window.  Now I realize that you obviously don't use it because its covered in dirt and shit and you can't see out of it, but you see, I don't think it was put there to create feng shui in the car.  Call me crazy.  And I'm just throwing this out there, but perhaps it could be used to look out of.  Wow.  That is a crazy idea.  A clear, glass, window to look behind you when you're backing up?  What?!?  Woah now, I've gone on the crazy train, but bare with me.  Maybe, just maybe, if you cleaned your window and maybe just maybe if you worked on rotating your body to look out the window you would realize that the reason I'm laying on my horn (yes, that loud noise is not a duck or farm animal.  lets remember that were not on the farm right now) is because you're backing into me.  So, just a suggestion if you like my ideas on the purpose of a back window: clean your back window and start doing some freaking yoga so that you can turn your neck to see out of that newly cleaned back window.  Try out!  You might find that you'll have less dents on the back bumper of your car!  Best wishes!

b) We are not British.  I don't know if you all learned this, but we kind of fought this little war in 1776 and we wrote some documents that are kind of old and yellow and in a weird handwriting, but you know, hey, they're kind of old so I might understand if you forgot that we won our independence from the UK in 1781.  Ok, no big deal that you don't seem to realize that we live in the United States of America and not Great Britain.  Ok, no big deal.  George Washington is probably just the dude with the weird nose on your dollar bill.  I get it.  Its fine.  But for real.  We did actually win our independence and we've kind of not been a part of Great Britain for the past ohhhh 200+ years so, COULD YOU STOP DRIVING ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD!  kthanx.

Have a wonderful day every eon!

Thoroughly confused Virginian

1 comment:

  1. Okay mate I understand your frustration at the dirty window with men in black characters unable to turn their heads ... But mate what is wrong trying to act like a Brit?